Creating the Greatest Fictional Baseball Team of All-Time

The following is a compilation of the greatest group of fictional baseball players from the silver screen:

Staring Lineup -

1B – Lou Collins (Little Big League)

What’s not to love about Lou Collins? He possesses all the qualities you could want in a player, both on and off the field. If his hit off of Randy Johnson had carried another few inches into the crowd, he’d be talked about as one of the best there ever was. Collins was always there to motivate the team and give the speech on allowing others to count them out. He led by example for players to respect new Manager Billy Haywood, despite the fact that Haywood was only 13. He never even complained despite his unprecedented benching down the stretch.

2B – Marla Hooch (A League of Their Own)

A switch-hitting slugging second baseman? Now that is hard to come by. Marla Hooch might not have the looks to turn heads, but she was one hell of a ballplayer.  

3B - Ray Mitchell (Angels in the Outfield)

Ray Mitchell could make this squad based on the hair alone. He was the one Angel that didn’t need actual Angels to be able to hit. He played with a passion that could be seen when Manager George Knox made the ridiculous decision to pinch-hit utility infielder Danny Hemmerling in his place. Ray Mitchell was there from the beginning and stuck by his manager’s side when facing potential dismissal from ownership.

SS – Benny “The Jet”Rodriguez (The Sandlot)

Heroes get remembered, but legends never die. Benny Rodriguez had the defense, the offense and the speed. He could outrun Hercules and steal home, neither are easy tasks. He has rare power from the shortstop position, losing countless baseballs over the fence. Plus, he was a great teacher. He did excellent work with Scott Smalls, taking a kid with virtually no baseball talent and making him at least serviceable.

CF – Willie “Mays”Hayes (Major League)

Hayes is about as solid of leadoff hitter as they come, stealing almost 100 bases in the year. He proves that he also has the ability to hit for power, and beat out an infield single. Hayes was hitting .291 entering the final game of the season, which tells you he can hit for average, but he will not steal home without his American Express card.

RF – Kelly Leak (Bad News Bears)

The original bad boy, Kelly Leak does what he wants. He could be a bit of a wild card when it comes to following team rules, but the dude can hit. Leak may struggle a bit in his move out of center field, as he might find the notion of being called off by the center fielder difficult, but the ceiling for this guy is through the roof.

LF – Roy Hobbs (The Natural)

Hobbs is the closest thing the movies have to a Babe Ruth. He has the power to hit 40-plus home runs and possesses the ability to hit for average. Just the all-around package.

C – Crash Davis (Bull Durham)

It’s not easy holding the All-Time Minor League HR record, because that means he just couldn’t cut it in the big leagues and played long enough in the minors to hold such a record. However, Davis is a switch-hitting catcher and plays solid defense. He is a baseball guy and someone who could manage a pitching staff. I say he deserves his shot.

Bench –

2B - Mickey Scales (Little Big League)

Mickey Scales is exactly the type of player you would want coming off the bench. He is a slick fielder with some deceptive pop who could spell Marla Hooch if she should decide to get married and bail on her team once again. He is a young player with speed, and judging by his performance during the “Run Around Sue” montage, he is a good clubhouse presence.

C - Dottie Hinson (A League of Their Own)

Hinson has all the tools necessary to be the team’s starting catcher, but she lacks the heart. There is no crying in baseball and I’m just not convinced Dottie has learned that. However, it is pretty cool that she is married to President Whitmore from Independence Day.

3B - Roger Dorn (Major League)

It is good to have Roger Dorn on the bench. You never know when you need to send up someone to step into a pitch. Rudy Stein was also considered for this role, but it is clear that Dorn has had a much more decorated career.

1B - Jack Elliot (Mr. Baseball)

It was a little bit of a red flag on Elliot’s resume that no MLB team was willing to trade for him and he found himself playing in Japan. With that said, his struggle to immerse himself into the Japanese culture can certainly be an excuse for his slow start with the Nagoya Chunichi Dragons. Hitting a home run in seven straight games proves he is the perfect pinch-hitter when some power is needed. I think of him as a white Ruben Sierra.

OF - Rex “T-Rex” Pennebaker (Mr. 3000)

Just a highlight machine. Pennebaker can play any outfield position and can hit for power and for average. He is the perfect young player to have on the bench and step in after the inevitable retirement of Roy Hobbs.

OF - Pedro Cerrano (Major League)

Pedro Cerrano is pure muscle and brings plenty of the intangibles to the table. He has a love for all living things and is determined to go out there and prove himself. His power stroke is fantastic and he will prove to be a great pinch-hitter off the bench when some power is needed. I think of him as a black Ruben Sierra.  

Pitching Staff -

SP – Steve Nebraska (The Scout)

To be honest with you, Steve Nebraska is a little impossible to believe. After dominating in the Mexican League, Steve Nebraska came to the New York Yankees and threw a Perfect Game in Game 1 of the World Series, striking all 27 batters out and throwing the minimum 81 pitches required. That means at no point did Steve Nebraska register a ball throughout the entire game. But that wasn’t enough, because he also hit two solo home runs in route to a 2-0 victory. Why a pitcher is batting in Yankee Stadium, I’m not sure, but it was one hell of a performance.

SP – Chet “Rocket” Steadman (Rookie of the Year)

The man who taught us to pitch from the “have to,” Chet Steadman was a legend in his own time. You have to wonder what he can still bring to the table, after that chilling arm injury against the Mets in the final game of the regular season, but when Steadman is on his game, he would be a great addition to any staff.

SP – Amanda Whurlitzer (Bad News Bears)

Not until Becky “The Icebox” O’Shea, did a girl play such a dominant role on a sports team. Whurlitzer was reluctant to even join the Bears at first, but at the behest of Coach and dead-beat pool cleaner Morris Buttermaker she gives up the job of selling maps to movie-star homes. Whurlitzer absolutely dominated the Southern-California Little League and even plays a pivotal role in luring star outfielder Kelly Leak to the squad.

SP – Ebby Calvin “Nuke” LaLoosh (Bull Durham)

Nuke is a raw prospect and no doubt needs some work, but with a veteran staff around him, he should be able to grow into his own. He will light up the radar guns and with some work, his control will get there.

SP – Billy Chapel (For Love of the Game)

Throwing a perfect game is never easy, especially at his age. Chapel is a future Hall-of-Famer who has had a sparkling career. He is a crafty veteran that would be great to have on the back end of any staff. Also, with Crash Davis set to be the starting catcher, it will be very interesting to watch a potential paradox take place.

RP – Henry Rowengartner (Rookie of the Year)

Rowengartner first wowed the world when he threw a perfect strike from the bleachers of Wrigley Field to home plate (although replays would show that the runner should have under no circumstances been called out). The ridiculous speed generated on his fastball can allow us to forget what an obnoxious base runner he is and the “floater” pitch is a total game changer.

RP – Jim Bowers (Little Big League)

Jim Bowers probably does not belong on this team over some other potential talents. However, Bowers' silly shenanigans and ability to loosen the mood can really be a welcomed gift to a team of prima donnas. Bowers understands the art of throwing a water balloon and is as unflappable as there is when it comes to riddles and middle-school math.

RP – Eddie Harris (Major League)

Harris also is probably undeserving of his spot on this team. Unless he throws illegal pitches, he really can’t get anyone out.  However, because Pedro Cerrano is on this team, the passive-aggressive interactions between the two are just good comedy.

RP – Mel Clark (Angels in the Outfield)

He used to be Mel Clark. If he didn’t take so many pills and smoke so many cigarettes, perhaps his career could have been even longer. I would have left Clark off of this list, because he needed the help of actual Angels just to be activated back onto the roster, but after his angel-free performance to win his team the pennant, he proved that he deserved a spot in the bullpen. His place on the team might be short lived, as he is expected to die at the conlusion of the season due to his bad habit of smoking. Don't smoke, kids, or you could die like Mel Clark, is an understated lesson from the movie.

CP – Ricky “Wild Thing” Vaughn (Major League)

Perhaps the second-best closer entrance in baseball history after Mariano Rivera, Ricky Vaughn can make the radar gun sizzle. Although Vaughn’s character issues and prison history could be a bit of a concern, he’s certainly come a long way from his time pitching in the Penal League. Yes, he hit a bit of a wall in his second season, but he rebounded nicely to strikeout feared-slugger Jack Parkman. 

Coaching Staff -

Owner – Billy Haywood (Little Big League)

Billy Haywood is the ideal owner of any team. He is the grandson of former Twins owner Thomas Haywood and he has grown up around the game. At just 13-years-old, he has proven he can coach a team and in the process become a fan favorite. If there is any struggle at the managerial position, it is good to know that Haywood could step in on command and potentially turn the team around.

Manager – George Knox (Angels in the Outfield)

George Knox is a bit of a surprise move after he really hasn’t proven sustained success without divine intervention. His dealings with the media have been brash at times, but he has shown the poise and ability to be able to rally his team from one of the worst in the league, to a title contender. It is difficult to put the blame on Knox to have players on the team that could barely hit the ball even when it was stopped in mid-air right in front of the plate.

Pitching Coach – Phil Brickma (Rookie of the Year)

This seems like an easy decision. He has some innovative and groundbreaking methods such as hot ice, although he cannot always be counted on to be at the games.  Brickma is sure to provide a nice change of scenery to the usually potty-mouthed George Knox.

Hitting Coach – Jake Taylor (Major League)

Taylor fits the mold of the player that would one day go into coaching and he was able to prove that in Major League II.  His mentoring ability that can help a guy like Crash Davis at this level should not be overlooked as he was really able to do wonders for young prospect Rube Baker.