Gronk Punches His Ticket

Rob Gronkowski underwent yet another surgical procedure this week. Thankfully for New England, his forearm is healing nicely. This time, Gronk went under the knife to correct an ailing back injury he had been dealing with since his college days.

We caught Gronk's super-agent, Drew Rosenhaus as he left the hospital yesterday. "I just left his room and his spirits were as high as ever," Rosenhaus told us, enthusiastically. "He was all: 'arm's good, back's good, pills are good, Gronk good,' you know, same as always." 

Before getting into his car, Rosenhaus reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny piece of paper. "You see this?" he called back to us, waving the note in the air. "This little puppy paid for Rob's next trip to Vegas. New England has a bye week 10. You'll know where to find him."

Surprisingly, he then handed over the paper for reporters to examine. "Watkins Spine: Customer Appreciation Ticket," the title read. There were 5 holes punched horizontally across the un-laminated card, the last of which was stamped "FREE!" 

"Can you believe it?" Rosenhaus said. "We finally got there!" Still dumbfounded by the puzzling situation, he continued after a short pause. "That infection business? I mean, you think for yourself," he told us with a wicked smirk across his face. "Nobody gets 4 surgeries on the same arm. We saw a way to get both issues fixed, without tapping into his Vegas fund. He got me a new Rolex for pulling this one off."

He snatched back the paper, gave us a wink, and casually strolled back toward the parking lot. We caught his Lamborghini speeding out after the brief interview. Through the cloud of dust under his tires, his license plate reading "SPR AGNT."

Patriots' Owner Robert Kraft would not comment on the situation. "At least he didn't kill anyone. I'm not sure all of our tight ends can say that right now," said Kraft.

Gronkowski may start the season on the Physically Unable to Perform (PUP) list for New England.