Major League Baseball, Dodgers Attempted to Rig All-Star "Final Vote"

After Major League Baseball released its hard numbers from the Final Vote, it has been confirmed by multiple sources inside the Commissioner’s Office that the Dodgers and MLB rigged the vote in an effort to force the electrifying Yasiel Puig into the Midsummer’s Classic. However, Puig still was beaten out by Atlanta Braves first baseman, Freddie Freeman.

Two anonymous sources inside the Commissioner’s Office couldn’t live with the crime they committed, so they spilled the beans to us. “Bud kept saying that baseball had plenty of big, white, lumbering first baseman,” one source remarked. “Ever since that tie in 2002, [Bud] has been looking for inventive ways to get the league’s most dynamic players into the All-Star Game,” the other told us. “This time, he went too far.”

According to our sources, the league and Dodgers officials pulled off a classic voter fraud scheme, reminiscent of the one in the 1996 box-office-thriller, “Black Sheep.” Yes. It was that easy. Or so they thought. The voting records for the Final Vote aren’t available to the public, but due to the ease of voting (you can vote up to 25 times using the same email address), the MLB has an entire database of fans who have casted at least one vote.

“I was going through some of these lists of voters and one thing just didn’t make sense,” said one MLB employee. “25 votes by Roberto Clemente for Puig, 25 votes by Mickey Mantle for Puig, 25 votes by Babe Ruth for Puig. The list went on and on. I mean, at least come up with some original names and not just use some of the most memorable names in baseball history,” he added.

However, this all might not mean a thing in a few days, as the usual dropouts and injury replacements will be coming down within the next few days. With Major League Baseball chomping at the bit to get the Cuban dynamo to New York City, Puig is likely to be the first replacement for the National League.

The fact still remains that Bud Selig and his minions attempted to fix the Final Vote. So, we took to the streets to see what the people of America thought about the National Pastime fixing its All-Star game. On the whole, the results were underwhelming.

Here are a few quotes of what people thought:

“Baseball? What the hell is that? Talk to me when it’s football season.”

“Haven’t those assholes been pumping themselves full of steroids for the last 20 years? Might as well just let them rig the World Series now.”

"As long as their players aren't murdering people, I guess it's an upgrade."

Well then. It’s true; attendance at ballparks around the country is at record lows. Additionally, television ratings for the game are also hitting lows. So, perhaps our hard-hitting, investigative reporting is blowing this completely out of proportion. Major League Baseball needs our love. They’re hurting for ratings and attendance. Should we be giving Bud Selig carte blanche to do whatever it takes to bring baseball back into America’s homes? In the opinion of this red-blooded American, yes.