MLB Amends Rule: Gives Jim Johnson Win on Losing Team

In a rather surprising move, Major League Baseball made a change to a ruling and awarded Baltimore Orioles' reliever Jim Johnson with a win in last night’s Orioles vs. Yankees game, despite his team losing in the ninth inning.

“After much deliberation, we have decided that Jim Johnson deserves a win for the Yankees in last night’s effort,” said Executive Vice President of Baseball Operations Joe Torre. “The Yankees would not have won the game without the aid of Jim, and therefore we feel it is in the best interest of the sport to award him the victory.”

Johnson entered the game with a 5-5 tie in the top of the ninth inning. The Yankees had led the game 5-2 in the 8^th inning before David Robertson gave a similar effort to let the Orioles tie it up on a three-run home run by Oriole great, Danny Valencia.  After a leadoff single by newly-acquired slugger Brendan Ryan, Chris Stewart laid down a sacrifice bunt that Jim Johnson fielded and promptly threw to Orioles’ centerfielder Adam Jones.  Ryan would later score on a Johnson wild pitch that failed to go anywhere near home plate.

“There was no evidence to support that Jim Johnson was playing for the Baltimore Orioles in tonight’s game,” said MLB Commissioner Bud Selig.  “With that in mind, we decided that he certainly deserved a win in that game more than David Robertson.”

Players and coaches were very surprised by the ruling, mostly unaware that the commissioner’s office could even make such a decision.

“I had no idea that was possible,” said Yankees’ shortstop Derek Jeter, right after announcing that he had been trying to play this season despite being made out of glass.  “If that’s the case I would think Joba [Chamberlain] deserves a lot more wins as well.”

“I honestly have no clue what Jim was doing out there,” said O’s manager Buck Showalter. “There was actually a part of me that thought this guy must have David Robertson on his fantasy team and needed a win from him.  His entire performance was just a colossal fuck-up.”

As for Jim Johnson, the stat correction will change his record from 3-8 to 4-7 and he will likely be remembered as the first player to ever receive a win in a game his team lost.  Either way, the pitcher still seemed in high spirits after the game.

“My stats come first, I’ve always said that,” Johnson told reporters. “Obviously it would have been nice if the team bailed me out in the bottom of the inning.  I could probably get a hit off of Mariano Rivera at this point, the guy is literally a corpse with a hat on.”